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Hello. Hi. Can you hear me? How about now?
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Okay. Did some warning of challenges. I had no camera and then I was I am using this. I have a little Mac mini and
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I
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Haven't used this computer in like two years
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So I'm not used to not having a laptop that always has a camera
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Like
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I have an external camera
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It's like where is the camera?
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I was reflecting this morning
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because my birthday is coming up and
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that
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last year was
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birthdays were usually not remarkable for me but
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last year was because
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well because I was turning 50 and that was
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Sort of a different kind of milestone and
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I was so ecstatic
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that
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about our life in Rio and
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my
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commitment to music my
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my life just seemed so good and
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that
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it seemed like a really
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auspicious start to
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a decade or
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more and
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one of the
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I remember a couple of times sort of pinching myself like
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in my dreaming is this
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is it true that I can
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that I I have
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all these boys on my phone that I
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that I've been texting with and that
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I can sort of have this life of
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and I'm promiscuity but
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enjoying a lot of sex and feeling
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That was a part of it you know too in
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in the ocean like that
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that I have all this stuff and
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this fulfillment and
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this morning
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as I was like yeah I've got a week left until my birthday and
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I
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anticipated
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this feeling of
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sort of let down that
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that
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that part of
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sexual
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fun is
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is over
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at the moment it's
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here it's it's not alive
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and
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there was a certain
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recognition like
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silent recognition that
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I wouldn't be able to
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say something like that to