0:39
I'm doing alright. How are you?
4:52
I am good. I'm good. We are here in lovely port of Ayara for two more days.
4:58
Nice. And I refuse to be sad about it for one more day.
5:04
That's what that's. That's a good attitude.
5:09
Is it been sunny?
5:11
Yeah, we've had rainy day, one rainy evening, since we've been here.
5:36
It's not supposed to be. No, it's not really supposed to ever be really rainy, but it's just,
5:43
it has been. It's like you look at the 10-day forecast and it's like cloud, cloud, cloud,
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cloud and like every once in a while there's like a sun. It's like whoa but thank goodness it always
5:57
changes and a rainy day turns into a sunny day, at least half the day so.
6:05
But if it's like I land at all then.
6:10
Yeah, a lot of times. That is true here too.
6:14
But it's been a hard, I'm in a hard spot.
6:20
I've talked to Alice, but things are not so great at the home front, yeah.
6:58
Yeah, he's had two weeks now without a hospital so that's progress and
7:09
but as he became more healthy, the conversations returned and
7:20
we were talking about, we were talking about how we see the future and he actually was telling me
7:29
about how he thinks he wants to let go of his his boy, contracted boy and because he
7:39
Lee hasn't seen him in a month and just that one time when we were meeting he was meeting him
7:48
later that day. There was no sex even that day and he's like you know I don't feel like I feel
7:55
like he's a friend and if he wants to be my friend without being paid then then that's what it'll
8:01
be but I don't want to pay people to be my friends at this point and understand that.
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And he said and I really see our I see the future for our relationship being the
8:19
nogginus at least for for the time being until we can be established some kind of trust and
8:30
maybe we play together sort of like we did initially with our first
8:36
entrance into open relationship and he said and if we don't both see it that way then
8:45
we probably shouldn't be together or something and I heard that and I was like hmm
8:52
but I didn't react right then and then the next day I was like okay I need to tell him that
9:00
that I don't really see our future being my nogginus I feel like that ship is sailed
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and but I hadn't come up with a good time to to say that yet and we got into an argument
9:21
where he was accusing me of being the cause of our apartment being delayed because I wasn't
9:28
on top of this company and I said I'm tired of being blamed for everything and I think that we
9:41
what you said the other day so I just brought it up in this fight and I was like what you said
9:45
the other day about monogamy I don't see our future that way and so maybe we should just
9:56
get a divorce and I said well maybe so and he he was like well that hurts if you what you're
10:07
saying I think is that you're you're not interested in me anymore it it it became a conversation
10:16
of what do I want and yeah and I don't know what I want I think this part of the problem
10:27
we we've had so many fights lately that are me feeling like I can't do anything right
10:37
like this my my behaviors whether it's leaving 30 clothes on the dining or table we're supposed to
10:44
only have clean clothes or eating in bed is a big thing lately because I make noise when I'm
10:52
eating in that wakes him up and little things that drive him nuts and that caused us to fight and
11:03
he said what really got us into the the final fight was he was telling me I I think that
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what I'm I'm beginning to feel like you you can't change and that and he didn't even get any
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farther and I was like I have the same concern about you that you're never going to accept me for
11:27
who I am and you will never forgive me for the whole Bernardo saga and I will continue to be forced
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to pay penance and insufficiently showing remorse and I don't think it's ever going to change it
11:47
we kind of like both were like well do we need to be in this relationship and he was like
12:04
and we both we both were like no this isn't this isn't healthy um and then the next day we had a
12:13
a more more a less dramatic conversation that was like it will suck or separate and we've been
12:20
in a long time there are going to be a lot of sad things a lot of sweet things that we want to
12:27
cherish and be sentimental about and there's the whole idea of changing our names
12:36
it's all very sad but we came to a place that we're I I said I I need to get out of the
12:53
apartment right now because the more that we're around each other the more possibility there's
13:00
for fight and because I'm in a fight fight mood and I can tell he is too um and and I don't want to
13:11
cause more harm by just being in each others mess right now so and we had a visitor coming to stay
13:19
so I was like I'm gonna get another apartment just a one bedroom for a few days while this girl's
13:25
staying in our other apartment with Kaya cousin and he didn't like the idea uh he's like
13:33
he felt abandoned but I I was firm about it I was like you know if we have a future it's it's
13:42
going to be better this way um and so this is my expect tonight too and I'll I'm planning to go
13:53
back to the apartment on Monday he's planning to go Santa Rosa on Sunday so I'll be able to be