0:19
Good morning. Good morning. Yeah, I feel like I need less of a side this morning. Okay. I feel like that's been my, my entrance lately has been, which actually that felt good.
0:45
Well, that's also just a good observation of where you've been, where you are this morning at being able to tune in and assess and report.
0:56
Yeah, I found this new little breakfast spot that it's like five bucks away and it's right next to where our old apartment was.
1:10
And it's this tiny little French cafe that bakery that has like four chairs out front and tables with chairs each.
1:20
And I don't know how I never noticed it, but they have expedited and they have this incredible presence.
1:27
And I just hung out there for like an hour and a half before this and sit in my coffee and it's nice to the place that I usually go has a traffic light right next to it.
1:45
And there's always cars hawking because people aren't going. That just doesn't help the morning.
1:54
Yeah, I feel like the morning is meeting last night that this guy was sharing his like 22 years or so and sharing about how his routine is in up to 72 years old.
2:14
And I can how much he cherishes his routine and how he he used to be somebody that aboard the idea of a routine and that that would be mediocrity and automatic and how how much he cherishes it man.
2:32
And I just there was something about that those reappealing and part of what was going through my mind and that appeal was thinking about how normally at night in getting ready for bed.
2:53
I look at my alarm and I change it to whatever I want it to be, but it always says 7.3 hours is not enough sleep.
3:07
And then I'm like, well, I want to try to go to bed 20 minutes earlier like five minutes from now or do I want to stretch a little like it's always like, what am I going to give up?
3:18
And I was thinking gosh, if I had a routine, then I wouldn't have to give up anything I could probably get a whole eight hours.
3:30
And it just and I think part of my problem with routine or adhering to routine is that my co-dependence in participating with Kaya is morning and how he whatever phase he is in when I wake up and whether I want to abort.
3:58
My plan to try to be on his plan and this morning I would made a very simple invitations and I'm going to go to breakfast if you'd like to join me.
4:11
I said, I don't think I'm ready. I might join you later and he didn't say I might join you there. He said, I might go in a little bit.
4:20
And so it was like I could have interpreted that as ask me in a little bit and we'll see if I'm open to it.
4:28
But it was much better to just go and you know, it wasn't in the band in any way.
4:41
And yeah, that's so this is this introduction is really kind of where I am thinking about the relationship and remembering how last week it felt like I, or maybe even before even that I have to fix the
5:11
defect in me that chooses to not share everything with him or to withhold something in these micro decisions that are not conscious most of the time.
5:25
And how am I going to fix that, to control that such that I don't keep fucking out?
5:35
And I haven't thought about that in a week like so. It's sort of scare me at first.
5:43
Oh, am I keeping secrets? Am I diverging from the path of old transparency?
5:54
No, there is there's a decision that I made when he was in the hospital that it was a Monday, I think it was probably last Monday.
6:08
There was talk about interest rates and what your own pal is going to do in the stench here that was maybe going to get fired or not.
6:16
And I was like, gosh, we have a lot of money in the stock market and the stock market has been rallying like crazy.
6:24
Maybe we should take a chunk out of that to pay down our commercial credit line, which is $100,000.
6:34
So that we're not done enough being screwed if the market crashes.
6:38
And I thought about it to the degree that I don't want to stress Kyle out asking about this when he just had his first poop in a week.
6:53
And so I just picked up the phone call and it was like, hey, I'm thinking maybe we should take some profits here.
7:01
And the investment guy, yeah, I'll be done tomorrow.
7:05
So the next day, there's $100,000 in our account that wasn't there.
7:10
And it's like, do I want to pay that down towards this debt? Do I?
7:14
And then I was like, whoa, this is a decision.
7:17
This is, I don't want to explain this. I don't want to say it.
7:22
So I just left it.
7:24
And yesterday Kyle said, hey, my Apple credit card's due.
7:33
Can I pay more than minimum?
7:34
Which is like $500 and like, you're at your limit, right?
7:39
And he said, yeah, I was like, well, pay more, but maybe we should, we've been talking about having a finance week
7:46
and a week or two from now to go over finances and make sure that he's in on everything.
7:53
And so well, maybe we can just do a quick financial check-in right now.
7:58
And I just pulled the app up on my phone and said, so we have this $100,000 in our checking account which doesn't need to be there.
8:08
But I wanted to talk with you about what we're going to do with that.
8:13
We can put it back in our investment account, but I thought it would be good to have that, have access to that so we can make a decision together.
8:21
And he was like, oh, yeah.
8:26
Can you close that app because we were like out on the street and it made him nervous that it was on my screen and like given what happened to me.
8:35
And I understood that. I was like, yeah, absolutely.
8:38
It's like, well, I can see we, yeah, that makes me feel good. I can pay half of my credit card.
8:45
So it was like, if I, you know, a better thing would have been to not make the phone call even.
8:55
But I also felt like, if the market crashes and we're not even at a hospital, I'm going to be like,
9:05
but that's not so different from me saying, I'm going to take a little bit of our money at a time.
9:12
I put it in the cryptocurrency thing and he'll thank me later.
9:16
So I feel like I caught it at a better spot.
9:23
And I see where they're potentially doing for improvement.
9:27
But that's the worst.
9:30
So it wasn't bad.
9:35
And as I was like doing a quick scan about secrets, it was like, look, there's nothing else.
9:47
But there's also, it's not even just am I sharing everything that could potentially be scarier for fuel threatening.
9:59
Am I being, I'm assuming the whole truth about everything that maybe doesn't fall into that category.