2:12
Did you do some project?
2:14
No.
2:15
OK, well, hey, someone did somewhere in the world.
2:18
And it's good.
2:22
And you're back at home.
2:24
Back at home?
2:27
Let me off this.
2:28
Nice.
2:30
Life is crazy.
2:32
Life is very crazy here.
2:34
What's going on?
2:38
Kaya is very upset.
2:44
The truth has come out about Bernardo in the death of the extent
2:52
of my communications over this time.
2:55
And it didn't come out in a clean way
2:59
where it all happened at once.
3:02
And the band-aid was ripped off.
3:03
It was Graham trying to minimize damage
3:09
and tell only as much as was necessary.
3:14
And that's just my tendency is to try
3:17
to minimize pain for myself and others.
3:22
Maybe it's human.
3:24
And then created an absolute nightmare for myself and for Kaya.
3:32
Oopsie.
3:33
We're still a couple.
3:43
And it's clear that we're going to try to get through this.
3:51
But it's been three days of hell for both of us, more for him.
4:01
And a lot of patience for me and trying
4:10
to accept that this is my consequence, that this reality is.
4:18
It's going to take time.
4:19
And that's part of what I need to learn from this.
4:31
So much anger.
4:33
And I see him wanting to get better and wanting
4:42
to participate in life.
4:44
Like today's the day I'm going to wake up and get out of bed
4:48
and start feeling normal again.
4:50
And then in the shower, he remembers the laptop.
4:56
The stuff starts coming back.
4:58
And then the question is, how can you
5:02
have two therapists and not realize
5:06
that what you're doing is destroying things like that?
5:10
And isn't it true that if you made that decision back
5:20
in April to not tell me that you're craving Bernardo
5:26
and that you wanted to message him again,
5:30
or you were tempted to unblock him.
5:32
And then I unblocked him instead of coming to Cairo
5:35
and saying, I want to unblock him.
5:38
What do I do?
5:39
And therefore, everything since that day has been a lie.
5:43
And I chose Bernardo and I'm the relationship.
5:47
And like going back through that stuff and being like,
5:50
you know, if I tripped on April 22nd,
5:54
it doesn't mean I was tripping every day since then.
6:02
And there's a lot of confusion about if the problem
6:13
is not me, what is the problem in terms of the fiction?
6:19
Is it, I mean, the problem is clearly with me.
6:22
But is it, there have been all sorts of theories
6:26
about thought disorder and idiosyncratic thinking
6:31
and obsession and then what does a normal 50 year old
6:39
do versus what am I doing?